Happy New Year Writers!!!! How did we get here again so fast?
So... I want to reach out and reassure anyone and everyone who reads this that I'm okay. In the MidWestern Minnesota Nice tradition, "I'm fine." And on some days, I'm not so fine. Can that be okay? That said, my posts are not meant to worry you or incite pity or concern, but if they do, that's okay too. We get what we need or want out of any piece of writing and I'm not going to stand in the way of any feelings or process therein that need doing. So feel what you must feel; worry if you must!
That said, I am okay. I'm me, just as always. I'm me going through a hard time, just like you do from time to time, just like the characters in your novels do. And then, there are balanced moments of bliss and flow, like when writing with you. Or petting my cat, Or laughing. Or.... endless ors...
And I so so so appreciate your care and love. As you know, as I encourage you, I have to write my truth, and sometimes that truth is happening now and it comes out as ratty old rage; some days I feel absolutely driven to document that raw truth because I want to talk to others in my same situation and/or provide a safe (albeit gritty) island harbor for those who may come floating my way, also lost at sea, perhaps a little further or less lost than I. I want to be able to remember this, for all its glory and grit, and to receive it. I want to write it out for me, for you, for others, also, because the duty of the writer, I believe in part, is offering another companion on the page for some of life's mysterious ups and downs.
I can't tell you how much I've been gifted by (lately and always, but particularly lately) the many countless posts I've found online, the anecdotes, the complete narratives, others write about their personal struggles with chronic pain: the joys, challenges, tips to heal, how to deal, words of encouragement, etc. From people I do not know, but have grown to know and invest in just by reading their posts, their joys and struggles. A simple line or two posted on a forum, even from 2008, is a thread of hope, a lifeline, morse code abloom in the dark, my cell phone a portal to possibility, a searchlight for hope, while knowing also that hope is futile because the present moment is the only hope there is, so I come back to that too. Because what else is there ever, but here, now? If I cannot be happy in this moment, in this body, how am I am practicing unconditional love, radical acceptance, for life? For myself? So in acceptance, practicing acceptance, I change.
And that is the moment of change you will find in any memoir or novel or good movie worth partaking. And the hardest conflict to overcome:change. Changing something in ourselves: your mind, your habits, your addictions, your machinations, your destructions, your not so good relationships, etc. Let go, and let in. Not over night; not like in the movies where it's boom boom bam. But perhaps between the inhale and exhale, perhaps a glimpse by the end of the book or story. Even if it's just a small crack, that's mountains. Moving mountains.
But what I really want to tell you is that your empathy for me makes a wonderful point in the case of engaging writing: you feel for me. And now that there is also a conflict (I'm struggling with idiopathic (really great for conflict since it adds mystery) chronic pain), which has heightened your empathy and investment in my story, in my getting better. Why? Because you know me, you read me, you know me on and off the page, you see me in yourself or someone else you know, and most of all, because you're human.
You namaste.
And I you.
See you at writing!
