Writing with Rox WEEKLY—Guilty Unpleasures

Is anyone able to sit in the womblike white sand beneath healthy swaying palm trees, coconut- mango liquado in hand, while staring blissfully into the many shades of rolling blue ocean lapping at your feet and NOT feel guilty while most everyone you know is back home under snow and 20 below?

Some other things I feel guilty about:
throwing away pennies while vacuuming because the trash is closer than the coin bowl
eating sugar
drinking coffee
making Jude go to school on his seventh birthday
not having a "normal" day job while some people I know work 9-5 either in cubes or standing up without enough potty breaks
being a non-traditional parent
being a parent when I have a hard time parenting myself on some days
texting instead of calling
making ice lanterns in my spare time
not sending birthday cards
taking my time with things
not going to bed on time because I want a few more minutes with my own thoughts or to read
sleeping in when others have to get up at 5 am
cross country skiing on my lunch break
the hurt I've caused others when I didn't have to
being a free spirit when others take life much more seriously
liking candy as much as I did when I was a kid
not wearing a helmet


While it would be nice to be enlightened enough to view guilt through the lens of clear perception as the sack of rocks that it is, I'm just not there yet. Oh, and that's another thing—the "lens of clear perception"— I'm working on letting go of my guilt about my lack thereof, too. 

And yes, I realize that guilt can be a great teacher, a reminder that I need to get my ass in gear and learn how to change my own oil, fix my own sink, tune my own ukulele, etc. I  am also un-blissfully aware that a certain amount of guilt keeps me cozy in a state of stuck: well, as long as I feel guilty about not going to bed on time I may as well not go to bed on time!

Ah, if only we lived in a less guilt-inducing world! Where road signs read "Take Your Time," instead of SPEED LIMIT 55 or WRONG WAY; where we are greeted at any given place of business with "welcome to my place of business, so nice to see you," instead of "may I help you?" If walking into any given place of business is seen as a cry for help, we may as well get real about it. "Why yes, you can help me. Can we sit down and talk for a while? Or maybe we can write together...?" I swear, but every time I go into a store for a little shopping therapy (yes, guilty!) and someone beelines me with "CAN I HELP YOU?" I feel guilty for saying "no thanks, just looking." Sometimes I dare to follow up with, "is that okay with you?" Last week I told the hounds at Office Depot that they were making me nervous... that believe it or not, it takes me a lot of concentration to pick out the right pen. At least I didn't go into the ADD defense, which I've done in the past. I'm getting better.

Of course I'm wise enough to discern when the guilt is really mine or when it belongs to a dysfunctional society based in the "tyranny of the urgent," as my son's principal wrote about last week in the Barton Bugle regarding the recent cold weather school closures and consequent pressure to catch up with all that was lost that week in the classroom. He wrote that he refused to give into that pressure. What a hero. I feel guilty for not congratulating him on that post and surely, I will do so after I do this and the fifteen other things I think I'm supposed to get done before lights out.


Guilt is just another  real thing that makes us human and another detail that adds great depth to our writing! What it is, what we do with it, and how it manifests is what makes us uniquely human.  So commiserate with me on the page! Meet your guilt on the page! What are you feeling guilty about today? And... don't let guilt get in the way of posting... you can always be anonymous!